Setting Social Media Limits for Older Kids

Teaching your kids to navigate in today’s digital world is getting tougher and tougher. Kids, at least my kids, are becoming more and more tech savvy. While it was easy when my kids were little to completely monitor their online usage – how often they were online and where they went, as my girls grow into teenagers, I must admit it’s getting harder and harder. We have rules in our house about using social media. I know the passwords to every account they have. The computers are in a main area of the house and we talk about online safety all the time. It’s still hard to know where they go. My eldest doesn't need her computer to go online, she now has her phone. And it isn't really a matter of policing their accounts all the time – social platforms like SnapChat immediately delete their messages. In fact, I could delete my daughter’s email account and it wouldn't phase her at all. There are so many ways to connect with her friends.

The main things I try to stress is that what goes online, stays online. Forever. And Ever. And even longer than that. But even this is tricky because while my daughter always needs her friends’ permission to post a picture of them online, sometimes pictures of her with her friends are posted without her consent. That becomes a problem sometimes.

I definitely don’t believe in banning social media use. If I do, she’ll likely go online elsewhere and besides, I think that if she becomes knowledgeable of all the consequences, both positive and negative, it will help her as she grows to learn to use the Internet responsibly.

I try to keep the lines of communications open. I ask lots of questions and try to answer all of hers. I try to keep an open mind and be very calm and non-judgmental because I always want her to be able to come to me with questions or concern. I try but it is hard sometimes.

What are your house rules about using social media? Is it changing as your kids get older?

Talking to Kids About Tragic Events

It was an abnormal day. Daddy was home when the Kid woke up and she got to spend some quality time with him and I got to sleep in. A little after 8 am we left to take Daddy to the train station so that he could go to Toronto for work. The Kid wanted to stay in the parking lot and see the train so we waited, and then she declared she had to go to the bathroom. I picked her up and walked to the station and just before we reached the doors I saw the train coming, so I pointed it out to her and that's when I realized that something was wrong – the train was coming towards the station on an angle. My immediate reaction was to say "oh my god." By now everyone reading this has heard about the crash between the train and the bus that morning. We didn't realize at that moment what was happened on the other side of that train. We went to find Daddy and check in because clearly his plans would have to change.

I'm a news junkie as it is, and seeing an incident made me want to know that much more about what was happening and the news got worse and worse through the morning, but I knew immediately that I had to be very careful about what my three year old saw and heard.

She knew from my immediate reaction that the train wasn't supposed to do that. She said she wanted to stay to see the next train and we had to explain that trains probably wouldn't be moving any time soon.

But at an age where she picks up on everything we're saying, how to I continue to protect her from the news? And what about as she grows older and understands more?

When I dropped her off at preschool I informed the teacher of what she had seen, and that she had mentioned the train again a couple of times and might bring it up at school. The first question I will need to ask her when she gets home will be if she has any questions and doing my best to answer them. I will be mindful of things she says over the next few days.

If she were older I would tell her that a bad accident happened and people got hurt, that there are ways people like us can help, like checking in with our friends, donating blood and sending thanks to our emergency services workers.

I don't believe in shielding my child from the world because I know that someday it would all come crashing down around her, but I do believe that there are things she can handle at this moment in time and things she cannot. This is a house where we pay attention to the news so I can't just keep her in the dark.

At any age talking to her will be key. Talking to her about these things will teach her that talking helps and is always allowed.

I sought out some resources that I wanted to share:

• Sesame Street has a parents section on their website with tool kits for dealing with different issues and they have produced some videos for parents as well;
• A handout for parents from the National Association of School Psychologists;
• A post on the New York Times website for teachers about helping students deal with difficult events in the news;
• A post from PBS Parents with strategies for speaking to your children and
• A post from the Mayo Clinic about talking to children at different ages.

I'd love to get a conversation going about this to find more.

How to prepare for crowded events with your child

by Karen

It's just been a couple of days since Canadians across the country were gathered together to celebrate the 145th birthday of the nation. That means big crowds - and when you're in Ottawa, it means really, really big crowds!

I happened to be speaking with a friend today and she mentioned that she volunteers every Canada Day (and Winterlude) for the NCC/Girl Guides Lost Children Service. The Lost Children Service is volunteer-based and RCMP is on hand for cases where children are missing for more than an hour. The service does require paperwork to be filled out on each incident.

As she was telling us about the service and how it works, I grabbed my notebook and pen to take notes. She had a lots of excellent advice for parents who are in crowded places with their children, whether there is a lost children service or not. And, since festival season is still long from being over, here are some tips!

1. Label your child. Even if you've taught your son/daughter your names, numbers, address, what you're wearing, etc., the stress and fright of realizing they are separated from you may render that information temporarily lost - sometimes regardless of age. Some parents mark on their children's back with permanent marker. Others may put a sticker on the inside of the back of their shirt. If you choose a sticker - go with something tough and sticky. (These wristbands are a great idea too!) You don't want that info getting lost.
2. Take a picture. Do you have a camera in your phone? Take a picture of your child(ren) in the clothes they're wearing (then you don't have to remember for a description) and in a spot with some frame of reference for height. That can be sent to someone in authority if you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of having to track down a lost child.
3. Take another picture! This one should be one of you. If your child has a device they carry with them, make sure your picture is on it. It's not unusual for the search to go both ways.
4. Make a plan. It's easy to get separated in a crowded place with lots of distractions. Before getting too far in, check out the lay of the land and decide on a place to meet. Is there an information table? A ticket stand? A security desk? Figure out what makes sense for the situation you're in and communicate the plan to everyone in your party.
5. Ask permission first. This probably goes without saying, but it never hurts to repeat to your children the importance of asking permission before they wander away.
6. Share the load. In your group, buddy up. Pairs or trios are easier to manage. Get the kids involved with helping to look out for each other.
7. Pack the necessities. And nothing more. If you're weighed down with tons of stuff that doesn't leave you a free hand to hold on to a little one, assess what's really needed and leave some things behind.

Above all, once you've done all these things and still get separated, don't panic. Remember the plan and act on it before assuming the worst.

These are just a few tips I put together from the discussion with my friend and ideas I had from my own past experiences. Let me know if you have more ideas to add in the comments!

*****

Karen Wilson is a wife to Matt and mom to Brandon (4), who blogs about her life at Karen’s Chronicles. She can be found at Wellman Wilson, helping businesses use social media more effectively. Lately, she’s also busy planning a little conference and doing her part to keep the coffee industry alive.

It's summertime! Let's all stay safe when swimming

Over Victoria Day weekend, my family had an impromptu invite to go to a friend's cottage by the lake. So, I packed up the car, threw Brandon in and we escaped! (Kidding...we gave my dear husband a chance to get caught up on tons of stuff he wanted to do.)

Today, my friend texted me this picture that was taken on our trip to the cottage and I uploaded it to Instagram because Brandon was so cute concentrating on swimming. It prompted the following conversation:

@alisonjette He needs to learn to swim *very well* before I'll let him near the water without his life jacket.

— Karen Wilson (@Karen_C_Wilson) June 12, 2012

My little chat with Alison got me thinking, though. Swim safety is so important to prevent anyone from having an incident in the water, but it's particularly important for children who are naturally the most vulnerable. According to the Lifesaving Society's 2011 report [PDF, 1.9MB], approximately 500 people die each year in Canada from drowning, and most are swimming when they get into trouble.

Get the proper equipment for water activities, starting with a good lifejacket for weak or non-swimmers and any child under 5.

Having a cute swimsuit is fun, but a functional life-saving device, a.k.a, lifejacket, is more important. Anytime he was by the lake, Brandon had to be wearing his life jacket. He floated out beyond where his feet could touch the bottom numerous times, thinking it was a fun game when our host pushed him back to shore with the dinghy. If he hadn't been wearing a good lifejacket, that "game" wouldn't have been fun at all.

I also consulted the Lifesaving Society's drowning and water safety guidelines and here's what they had to say for children:

• Restrict and control access to the water. Enclose backyard pools on all four sides with a fence and a self-latching, self-closing gate; drain bathtubs when not in use; empty unattended wading pools and buckets.

• Wear a lifejacket when boating. Toddlers should wear a lifejacket anytime they are near water.

• Stay within arms’ reach of young children when they are near water – in the backyard, the beach and in the bathroom.

• Go to lifeguard-supervised beaches and pools.

• Learn to swim. Enroll children in swimming lessons and in a swimming survival program such as the Lifesaving Society’s Swim to Survive.

• In the winter, check ice before going out on it – clear, hard, new ice is the safest for travel. Avoid slushy or moving ice and ice that has thawed and refrozen.

HA! That last one just amuses me at this time of year, but it's serious business in the spring and fall.

BONUS! Don't forget to pack the sunscreen and drink lots of water.

I do not tan - never have, never will - and my son has inherited my pale genes, but even if you do tan, it's not safe to stay in the sun for prolonged periods without some protection. Trust me - after a sunburn that blistered (badly) when I was twelve and forgot my sunscreen for a canoe trip, I do everything I can to avoid getting burnt.

These recent hot, hot, hot days are great if you like the heat, but don't bask in it too long without staying hydrated.

What other rules do you have for water safety in your family?

*****

Karen Wilson is a wife to Matt and mom to Brandon (4), who blogs about her life at Karen’s Chronicles. She can be found at Wellman Wilson, helping business use social media more effectively. Lately, she’s also busy planning a little conference and doing her part to keep the coffee industry alive.

I'm Bored

by Alanna In our house "I'm Bored" is more than a four letter word.  It's a FIVE letter word that is banned.  No one is allowed to use it!! Period!!!  The result of using the word is choosing either to lose points on My JobChart or picking from the dreaded jar of chores!!!  Apparently the jar of chores is the lesser of two evils.

In order to encourage self stimulation and motivation to find activities that do not include computer and TV, I have come up with a list of activities to pick from BEFORE we decide there is nothing to do.  I went through the children's toys and books, found the least used items and put them on the list.  I also added a list of activities to learn ie:skipping with a rope and hoola hooping.  There are scavenger hunts for missing puzzle pieces, things found to make a craft with and letter hunts.  All of these things can be altered based on you child's age and skill ability.

This is the checklist I made

So far it has worked wonderful.  It has turned out to be a great clutter buster since I decided that if those rarely used items get put in the giveaway pile if they are not something they ready don't want to do.

Alanna is a mother of two beauties, Nora age 3 (aka coconut) and Avery 5 (aka polka dot). Former ECE turned mother, party planner and blogger.  Never a dull moment around this house.